Have you ever suggested an idea that didn’t land, only to have it suggested and heartily taken up by someone else a little while later? Ideas based on Michael Grinder’s Professional Development Model explains this.
Timing and permission are key micro skills of communication which are often missing in organisations. They are valid in many aspects of communication eg feedback or offering ideas in meetings.
This aspect of communication comprises 3 aspects and includes skills as well as a bit of emotional/ social intelligence to know when the right time is right to deliver your idea.
What
Verbal: This involves the preparation and mental practice beforehand of content delivery. Noting ideas and phrases allows you to focus on other things during the meeting.
Content: Knowing your content well increases your confidence and frees you up to be more aware of non-verbal cues. Prepare 2 or 3 ideas. Have evidence and facts to support your opinions and recommendations. Be prepared to answer questions. Plan ahead, and store those nuggets for later possible use. Present your idea to others beforehand and gather support if need be, so it’s familiar during the meeting. Follow up your meeting with strategic emails confirming your suggestions or ideas.
How
Non-verbal: Albert Mehrabian conducted a study of the inconsistencies of feelings and attitudes between the verbals and non-verbals of a message. The results showed that people pay attention (simply put) as follows:
• 7% – words
• 38% – paralinguistics- way words are delivered/ said
• 55% – facial expression
Where the verbal message was inconsistent with the facial expression, people tended to believe the expression rather than the words. Therefore, it’s vitally important to get your non-verbals congruent with your message.
These include:
• Eye contact
• Posture
• Gestures
• Facial expression
All the above give messages of your interest and engagement, and show if you are truly interested, listening and paying attention.
Process: set yourself up for success. Arrive early, speak to other delegates- this shows interest, and you may pick up possible agendas. Match your behaviour to target audience.
Sit where you can see and be seen. Strong eye contact with the chairperson and delegates will alert them to when you want to speak. Contribute early in the meeting, and ‘position’ yourself from the start. Offering ideas after everyone has had their say allows you to identify gaps and offer a comprehensive solution.
Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your opinions, thoughts, needs, and feelings in a direct, honest, and appropriate manner without having to offend others, and by offering the same courtesy to others. Very often the feelings you engender in others will be reciprocated back to you ie if you listen with respect, chances are you’ll also be listened to in the same way.
Don’t criticise, but build on other’s statements. Avoid using ‘but’ which can be a dismissive word. Use inclusive statements such as ‘That’s an interesting point. It’s also worth considering …’ or ‘What might also be useful is ………’ ‘That’s a good point. I suggest that we also…’ Offer alternatives and explain benefits.
When
Timing: Often we are so determined to have our say, we ignore the subtleties of timing and jump in at wrong time – possibly when people are distracted by something else, so they don’t hear us. Or we burst in clumsily and our message is lost in the delivery. Listen closely and watch for the gaps to step into. Often, flagging that you’re about to say something emphasizes it. ‘I have something that I think is significant here…’ I’d like to add something at this point…’
Perception: Sensing when the time is right to contribute your idea and when the audience is ready to hear it is a subtle but instinctive communication skill. We all have it but don’t often pay attention to it.
Receptivity: If people feel they’ve been heard and understood, then they will be more open to receiving information or even challenge at a higher level. You will have the psychological and social receptivity to broach your idea. If you’ve prepared your strategy well and built up rapport earlier via the other steps, then your message will be delivered and received successfully.